There's much more. But I think I will refrain from continuing. Today was a test of something that has been on my mind lately. I've been thinking about capacity. Some people have so much go wrong, but they never complain. Some people have tremendous stress loading them down, but they still continuously have hope and vitality to share with others. Some people have lived through hurt after hurt, but they still love and trust.
I would fancy those strengths. I've spent too much time whining and complaining. I've wasted too many opportunities making excuses. I've put up too many walls and then regretted the consequences.
Where does that capacity come from?
Can you have none to start with and then experience the stretching of growth? Definitely yes, but what are the factors that push someone from simply buckling under the pressure, to the better result of developing strength to overcome the hardship?
Life produced in me shyness and anger and illness and shame. Many people live their lives struggling with these things. But if asked how I found freedom, what could I answer? If I knew the answer I could apply it to the rest of my issues. I could stop worrying what people think. I could stop procrastinating when a task seems overwhelming. I could stop stressing.
Whatever had the biggest influence, whether it be declaring the positive, going to church, praying, forgiving, talking, exercising, or letting go, I think all aspects of the healing journey come down to just one word.
Content people are committed to seeing the positive when life is full of negative. Successful marriages have spouses committed to each other through ups and downs, misunderstandings and compromises, tests and battles. Flourishing businesses have members committed to the vision through trial and error. Careers come from being committed to doing what is necessary even when it takes time and energy and finances.
I beat fibromyalgia and headaches and exhaustion by being committed to working out my weak body even when I had to push through pain after pain. I gained patience by being committed to my family and church even when walking away would have been an easier option. I overcame anger by being committed to retraining my thoughts even though it took so long and so many people were being outright stupid and giving me a very good reason to be mad.
And now, when I have a totally crappy day like today I can look back and instead of seeing the frustration and unfairness, I can smile at the fact that I pushed through. I still had a bath, even though I could have pouted that I only like hot baths. I still did my job and smiled at my customers. I still treated my dogs well, even though they drove me crazy. I still made a healthy dinner, even though we were home late. I didn't get mad at my toddler for being a toddler, and we still read her favorite I SPY book for half an hour like she wants to every single night.
I was committed to positively making it through the day, just somewhat better than how I've made it through before, and that is what will make it easier to make it through the next rough day.